Part 1: I am Amanda

My name is Amanda.
Today I turn 30.
I’ve lived with mental illness most of my life
and I am not ashamed of that fact anymore.

I have wandered aimlessly through life in a sea of anti-depressants and confusion, littered my bookshelf with self-help books I thought would help. I’ve read all those annoying inspirational quotes
As I read all these words, I’d always promise myself today I’ll start living by them. But the minute I step out my front door and face life – those fancy words seem to disappear rather quickly and I’m left with my demons. Those words didn’t stand a chance.

I’ve wasted so much time, energy, money on things I’d though would help. Pushed myself but I usually give up half way through.

My mental illness always wins.

My mind is plagued with thought of whether I truly want to be here or not.

I’m not an expert in mental health nor do I have a great under standing of the broad spectrum of mental disorders out there, I only have my own experience I hope my words will help you in some way, if only just a small amount. Give you that string of hope.

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